“You don’t want to work towards your future, so why would you want to work towards ours?” he says
I don’t even think, I just say “Maybe I don’t want a future”
He looks away, disappointed at my answer. I’m too angry to care about my response.
“I pictured a life with you and I don’t want to be the only one working towards it” he says; his eyes focus towards the steering wheel.
I think of ten million things I want to say.
“I’m sorry if I make you think our future is unimportant to me”
“I wish I could believe in myself the way you believe in me”
“I love you and appreciate the work you’ve put in to show me how amazing you think I am”
“I’m going to prove you wrong. I’m going to show you what our future means to me”
Instead I say
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed. I hope you find someone that you deserve”
Now laying in bed, I’m staring at the ceiling and wishing things could be different.
That I could be different.
I want to prove him wrong but that takes time.
Time is what I’m most afraid of.
What if he finds someone new? What if he falls out of love with me?
What if in the end, I’m still not good enough?
Until next time,
The Greenest of Blues